Repentance: To Gethsemane and Back


Vaughn J. Featherstone, Stockholm Area Conference, Official Report, August 17, 1974, 71–73.
My beloved young friends, you have just heard from one of the
great holy prophets on the earth. [Ezra Taft Benson.] What will you
do with his words?
Since I received this assignment, I have asked myself dozens of
times: “What would the Savior say if he were here and had this
opportunity to address you? What would he have you hear, and
what would he have you leave knowing?” I have spent a great deal
of time in prayer, and I hope that I might deliver that which you
should receive.
I think first the Savior would have you know that he cares. I
believe he would want you to learn and gain strength from him and
give your soul unto him.
To Gethsemane and back
A few months ago, a little over a year, I had the opportunity of
going to Mesa, Arizona, and there at a stake conference I
interviewed a young man. The young man had committed a major
transgression and needed to be interviewed by a General Authority
before going on a mission, as any young man going on a mission, if
he has committed a transgression, must be interviewed by a
General Authority. So I interviewed this young man. . . .
As I got into the interview, I said to him, “Now, my dear young
friend, there must have been something in your life that caused you
to have this interview. Would you mind telling me what that was? I
want you to be very honest and frank with me.” And then he kind
of laughed, and he said there was not anything he had not done.
And I said, “Well then, let me be more specific. Have you had
sexual relations?” Then he very haughtily said, “Yes, I told you
I’ve done everything.” I said, “How many times?” And he said,
again sarcastically, “Do you think I numbered them?” And I said to
him, “My dear young friend, I would to God you could if you
can’t.” He said, “Well, I can’t.” I said, “How about
homosexuality?” He said, “Yes. I told you I’ve done everything.” I
said, “Drugs?” He said, “Everything.”
So I said, “Why do you think you are going on a mission?” He
said: “I’m going on a mission because my patriarchal blessing says
I’m going on a mission. I have repented. I don’t do those things
anymore. I haven’t done them for the past year. I’ve been living the
law of tithing; I’ve attended my meetings; and I’ve repented. And I
know I’m going on a mission.”
I said: “My dear young friend, do you suppose that we could
send you out into the mission field with all those fine young men
who have never violated the moral code? Do you suppose we could
send you out to have you brag and boast about the things that
you’ve done? You haven’t repented. You’ve just stopped doing
something. And I said, “As far as we’re concerned, we just cannot
permit you to go out in the mission field.
And then he started to cry, and I guess he cried for several
minutes. Finally, when he finished crying (and I did not say a word
while he cried) he said, “I guess that’s the first time I’ve cried since
I was five years old.”
I said: “If you had cried like that the first time you were tempted
to break the moral code, maybe tonight you would be going on a
mission. But I’m sorry; we just cannot send you out.” I said: “You
need to go to Gethsemane and back first. Once you have been to
Gethsemane and understand how the Savior suffered for those
things which you so haughtily laughed about and sarcastically
responded to my questions, after you have been to Gethsemane,
you will understand what repentance is. You haven’t repented,” I
said, “and I’m surprised they ordained you an elder, after this track
record you’ve had.” And then I said, “Besides this, I’m not sure but
what they should have held a Church court [now called a
disciplinary council] for you.”
“Now,” I said, “they have ordained you, and all those things
have taken place, and repentance is possible. But you find a girl
and forget about a mission; you find a girl, and then hopefully she
will marry you. But you tell her about your past, because it isn’t a
very pleasant one. And after you have married and you have
children, try to spend the rest of your life proving to the Lord that
you are repentant.”
And he looked up at me, and he said, “There is no way that I can
go on a mission?” And I said, “No way at this time. I’m sorry, but
that’s just the way it is. I want you to know we love you, and we do
care about you. And someday you will thank me for making sure
you had to go to Gethsemane and back.”
Well, he left, and I am sure he felt that I was one of the cruelest
people in the world, because I had kept him from that thing which
he had desired. He had told his friends that he was going on a
mission, and I had deprived him of this great thing. I told the stake
president and the bishop to hold his mission call and to suggest
other courses of action for this young man. Then I left.
About six months later I was back down in that same
community again. I remember as I went down into the community
and spoke at the Henry Eyring lecture series in the institute there,
after I had finished speaking, several of the young adults came
down the aisle, and I stood shaking hands many minutes. All of a
sudden I looked up, and I saw this young man in line.
Now I remembered him, and I remembered his sarcasm; I
remembered his haughtiness; I remembered how he had laughed
and joked about this thing. All of those thoughts, every single
particle and detail of that interview, went back through my mind.
Now, if I interviewed any of you and you had truly repented, and I
saw you two or three weeks later, I would not recall the interview, I
would not remember it because the Lord said, “I, the Lord,
remember [their sins] no more.” (D&C 58:42.) And those that have
repented, he takes it from our hearts, and he takes it from the hearts
of the leaders, and he will take it from your heart. But because this
young man had not repented, I guess that is the reason I
remembered every particle and detail as though it had happened
just a few moments before.
As he got to me, I bent down over the front of the stand like this
and shook hands with him. Tears came to his eyes, streamed down
his cheeks; almost a holy glow was in his countenance. I said to
him, “You’ve been there haven’t you?” And then, as he cried, he
said, “I have been to Gethsemane and back, and I’m more grateful
to you than I could ever tell you. Thanks so much for what you
have done for me.”
Well, I wept somewhat in my heart. Now if it had not been for
the Savior and the miracle of forgiveness, this young man would
have carried those transgressions down through eternity. We ought
to love the Savior. We ought to serve him for this reason alone.
Now, if you make a serious mistake like this young man did,
chalk one up against yourself. But you had better chalk one up
against Mom, because she failed. And you better chalk one up
against Dad and the bishop. Chalk one up against the stake
president, because each one of them failed you, and they all care
about you….